Dispensational Smackdown

04/10/2008

By Paul Smith

Bock vs. Pentecost
Tribulation Cage Match

Dallas-In a move that rocked the far-flung Dispensational community, noted Traditional Dispensationalist Dwight Pentecost challenged Progressive Dispensationalist champion Darrel Bock to a cage match fight to determine the future of Dispensational thought in America.

Pentecost, the author of numerous books, is perhaps best known for his treatment of the end times from a traditional dispensationalist viewpoint in his magnum opus Things to Come. Darrel Bock, meanwhile, is one of the leading proponents of the theological position known as "Progressive Dispensationalism," co-authoring a book of the same name with Craig Blaising.

Accusations and theological barbs flew throughout the mandatory weigh-in. On at least one occasion, handlers had to separate the two men.

"The Bible clearly teaches that in the last days wolves will prowl about in sheep's clothing," Pentecost snarled. "Obviously, these so-called 'Progressives' are nothing but Covenantal heretics trying to lead the true flock astray."

Pentecost, who had been in retirement from the Theological Cage Match Circuit, looked trim, fit, and ready to fight. As usual, he referred to himself in the third person. "Pentecost wanted to give the younger generation a chance" he said, "but this generation has proven itself to be girly-men hand-holders who do nothing but compromise the True Faith. That is when Pentecost knew he had to show these Progressives that the only 'Things to Come' for them is a good old fashion ass-whoopin'."

"I respect my opponent," Bock said quietly, his eyes never leaving Pentecost's. "He's obviously a wily veteran who is deceptively fast. But the world has changed, it has 'Progressed' if you will. Classics and Traditionalists are a dying breed, the dinosaurs of Dispensational thought. I'm only disappointed that I'm going to have to prove that by beating their 'champion' like a piñata at a birthday party."

Surprisingly, students at Dallas Theological Seminary (DTS), where both teach, were generally supportive of the announced fight. "Of course I'm for it," one student said. "In classes you would always hear 'Progressive' this, or 'Traditional' that. Even though I still don't know the difference between the two, I do know that one is true and the other is a lie from the pits of hell. The sooner we find out which is True Biblical Truth, the sooner DTS can get back to the real job of education, which is telling us what to believe."

Once you get away from the DTS campus, however, reactions throughout Dallas were much more muted, with many unsure of who to support. "Dude, I don't know, man," said Richard "Chip" Riley, a youth pastor in the wealthy Highland Park neighborhood. "Bock, that's like a wicked German lager, but on the other hand you got Pentecost, which is like when tongues of fire came down and everyone started speaking in tongues and stuff."

Others, however, are keeping a wary eye on the outcome of the match. Michael Horton, professor at Westminster Seminary, California, and staunch defender of Covenantal Theology, has already issued a challenge to whoever wins the match. "It's a great idea" Horton told reporters, "We've been arguing these issues for hundreds of years and have gotten nowhere. This is a great chance to solve all our differences in ten minutes or less, winner takes all."
Early Vegas odds-makers have Pentecost as the 2-1 favorite. The match is set to take place in Dallas on October 1 at Reunion Arena. Tickets are on sale now through area Christian bookstores, Ticketmaster, and the Dallas Theological Seminary chapel.

"My worst fear," Bock said as he left the weigh-in, "is that if I punch him, I'll get stupid on my hands."

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