By Jane Lebak

If you're one of the 40 million people who are enamored of LOLcats [1],
those adorable but grammatically challenged online cats, then we may
have a Bible translation for you.
Yes, it's the LOLcat Bible [2], and in the estimation of our Wittenburg Door theological faculty, it's fairly accurate—certainly more so than, ahem, The Message.

Check out Luke 1:

28 Gabriel wuz liek "O hai Mary, u iz realli nice. Ceiling Cat iz wif u."
29 Mary wuz kiend of worrid about dat.
30 But teh hovr d00d wuz all "Doant be afraid. Ceiling Cat iz happi wif u.
31 U iz gonna hav a kittn. Naem him Jesus.

32 He wil be graet. He wil be teh kittn of Ceiling Cat an his daddi will give him David's chaer.
33 He wil r00l Jacob's house forevr."
34 Mary wuz liek "O rly, i iz a virgn remembr."
35 Gabriel wuz all "Ceiling Cat wil take caer of it."

There's still plenty of translation work to be done if you can stand speaking in Kitteh for a little while, and if you think you can ever look at Job 38 again the same way after reading God saying it this way:

3 "U getz reddy becuz naow I asks u sum kweschuns.
4 "Wehre iz u wen I maded teh earths, ifs u iz so smart?
5 "Who sayed, 'Hay, iz gonna be tihs big.'
6 "Whut iz unner teh earths? Who maded teh grouns?
7 "when teh stars and stuffs were all liek 'Hay'?
8 "Who sayed 'Oh hai waterz, u stay here, k?'

If you can deal with angels abandoning Hallelujah for "Woot to teh Ceiling Cat!" and God the Father dropping the occasional WTF, or Jesus calling his detractors n00bs, this may be the translation that best meets your needs. Srsly.